The first time a person meets someone new, they take a photo in their mind. A snap shot. I was told this when I was 17 (ish) by a business man who felt it was his duty to give me a lecture on how his company wouldn’t employ someone like me due to my nose being pierced.. I responded by remarking that I wouldn’t apply for a job at such a shallow minded company and it would be their entire loss. Yes I was gobby back then too, BUT he was half right in his exclamation. That photo is the image which is carried around forever.. most people will remember the first time they met someone significant.. husband, wife, baby etc.. Ginger Rug and I met at work.. he walked into the office with shoulder length hair, wearing a saggy Superman suit while asking for donations for a charity he had dressed up for. Don’t be fooled.. this was not a hardship.. the boy loves to play dress up. Anyway as far as first impressions go, it was a shocker and I can safely say, not one shred of thought went through my mind of “this is the man I am going to marry and who will father my children” who’d have thunk huh? Like wise, when I first met one of my most favourite people, I thought she was a bit off, a bit up one’s bottom and certainly not someone who I’d be loving so much as I do now! So it just goes to show how wrong that first impression and “photo” can be.
I take these photo’s constantly… I like to think I am a good judge of character and I always listen to my instincts. Obviously I don’t always get it right (hello examples) but I like to keep an open mind. If I think positively then usually the poor blighter can’t get rid of me but if something isn’t quite right then I try to figure out why. My instincts can confuse the hell out of me at times and I will berate myself if I go against them. When I left my career to stay home with #1, I was on the look out for my replacement.. I met her and knew she was the one before she had even uttered a word. She has just celebrated two years working there and we are still in contact. Instincts. Both my girls are instinctive. #2 threw a maraca in a man’s face the other day.. He took it well and of course I apologised, but my girl knew he was a bit of a git and rightly deserved it. Apple , tree.. Anyone?
Where do our instincts come from? are we powered by a higher being leading us on to different paths of thoughts and feelings? ..or is it just our life experience and our sub conscious kicking in when we are remotely reminded of a previous situation where we did something right? or wrong? either way it’s our instincts which make that photo into either something positive or not. People are very quick to judge.. as am I, but there has to be some good in people right? and if they choose not to show it to you then perhaps you have kicked their instinct off in some way which although completely unaware how or why, you are then on the receiving end of a short sharp shrift and you are left wondering huh?
I was on the end of such a shrift the other week.. I’d met this lady once before and despite her knowing nothing about me, other than what she had written down in front of her , she made a few unnecessary remarks and comments in which could only be described as an attempt to put me in my place . Of course she may have been unaware she was doing it, other people may not have picked up on it.. and maybe I was being overly sensitive but to me she had marked my card. This was in my local slimming club, somewhere where you should feel nothing but support right? Now I’m a bloody model student. I follow the plan and have never had a gain. I do as the book says and i’ve lost weight. This doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled, found it hard at times, and it’s certainly not been an overnight success. BUT her snap shot of me was a judgement one in a negative capacity and she chose to let it be known. I left the session feeling flat and unmotivated. So, I flipped it on its head. I messaged my usual leader and thanked her for the support and let her know how important she was to my success but annoyingly I didn’t manage to shake the uneasiness off until the following morning.
More annoyingly I’ve recently learnt that being the bigger person doesn’t always pay off. Sometimes doing the thing you don’t want to do, but think you should isn’t always right. I think you get to a point where the energy for the person/s or situation just gets depleted and that old friend instinct rocks up and says just stop. Just give it up. It’s ok, you have tried your best. One of my besties once said “never make someone a priority, when you are only an option to them” or words to that effect.. and how right she is.. You should put YOU in the front line at times.. not always and certainly not for anything derogatory but at times its good to give yourself the spotlight.
Now this post all sounds incredibly uncheery and very woe is me, but my point is perception. It’s what the world thrives on. Social media is a platform to show everyone that you are a victim or survivor! The perfect family posters, the good time girls/boys posters, the braggers, the attention seekers, the poor me posters, the lurkers who read and rarely post (that’s me) the dirty laundry posters, the reality posters and those who just like to share … whichever type you are.. people are snapping away.
I wonder why people are so keen on impressing others? Are they looking for acceptance ? Or do they just not care what other’s think. Either way you have to keep that pose for a very long time and if not real, then that portrait usually slips.
My photo to others has changed over the years. I would be terrified if the photo taken was a wrong one . I would always impress on work colleagues perception was key to success. I still stand by that to a degree but nowadays I believe the only perception people should have is the easiest one to have.. Then one where a pose isn’t even struck. The pose isn’t even there . It’s just you. Imagine that!